Hoy estaba estudiando afuera de la iglesia. El día es lindísimo hoy, con el sol y 63 grados. Vino una chica para vender cositas para el pelo. Le dije que no me interesaron y no me dejaba en paz. Es terrible. Quiero decir que es terrible que los chicos están vendiendo cosas en la manera de mendigando. Ella siguió a pedirme, para monedas, para billetes. Cuando hacen este, hablan rerápido y sin respirar con voz baja. No es como están hablando contigo. Le dije a la chica que no tenía monedas. Solo tengo un billete de 20 pesos, pero no le dije por supuesto. Me enoja mucho como la gente que mendiga sienten que vos estás obligado a pagarle algo. Esa chica, después de empecé a ignorarla porque n me escuchaba para nada, me dice “que maldita sos como extranjera y no me das nada” o algo como así, y siguió a sentarse a mi lado, esperando. Por fin, se fue , pero no sin diciendo algo mas con "maldita."
Un noche, cuando estaba volviendo de la casa de Vicky, una mujer y su hijo me pararon para venderme cositas para sal y pimiento. Me gustaron pero no estaba llevando bastante dinero para comprarlos. Traté a hablar con ella, le pregunté quién los hace y dónde y me dio repuestas cortitas y siguió a hablar, rerápido y sin respirar con voz baja. Me dijo algo de una enfermedad que tiene su hijo y que quiso comprar el remedio. Y cuando estábamos hablando, su hijo, diferentes veces, me pegó en las piernas. Cuando ella no aceptó que no iba a comprarlos, le dio 2 pesos, y me dice “Señora, no tenés más?” y este me enojó muchísimo, y me fui.
Al mismo tiempo trato a pensar en como sentiría si fuera una de ellas. La chica, no es su culpa que piensa como así, es la culpa de sus padres. Y no tengo ninguna idea la situación o la vida de sus padres. A veces, me preguntaba que piensa Dios de estas situaciones. ¿Cuánto es la culpa suya, y cuánto viene de que recibieron de Dios? ¿Tengo razón cuando pienso que no estoy obligada a darles algo? Yo creo que no es la manera que podés ayudar. No va a cambiar su vida. Si nadie les da algo a la gente que mendiga, no pediría, y entonces, tal vez encontrará otra manera para mejorar su vida. Pero también, hay la gente en la calle que es descapada. Me parece que sí, necesita ayuda. Este es al responsabilidad del gobierno. No tiene nada acá para los descapados, te juro. No sé como podrías vivir en Bs. As. Si tuviera una deshabilitad grande. Y también, pienso en mi país. No es perfecto y tenemos problemas, pero, también, tenemos mucha gente que trabaja juntas para mejorar las vidas del otras. Ojala que la gente acá hiciera lo mismo. Pero, los argentinos son reestresados. Siempre escucho alguien diciendo ese. Ese es la culpa del gobierno. Me parece que por eso no dan mucha atención a las problemas de las otras. O tal vez solamente me parecen que hacemos más por que cuando estoy en NC State, está llena de actividades y organizaciones para ayudar. ¿Por qué el mundo es tan difícil? ¿Por qué nací en una familia afluente? No tuve la decisión (o tal vez sí y no recuerdo). Pienso en que, cuanto de mi vida está afectada por cosas que no podría manejar. Si naciera en Argentina, pensaría diferente, en un idioma diferente, y mi mente hubiera sido desarrollado en otra manera. ¿Cómo yo fuera si hubiera nacido en una familia pobre, que duerme en la calle? Una cosa que va a afectarse, cuando ves una persona durmiendo en la calle dónde hay gente caminando, o una familia con un colchón en el parque. No podés comprenderlo. Otro día no pude entrar el departamento, y pensé, qué horror sería si no tuviera un hoga.
Me pone triste que la mayoría de la gente en el mundo nunca va a experimentar una vida en que se puede vivir de verdad. La mayoría solo va a conocer una vida de pobreza, de preocupación, y tragada en pensamientos de sobrevivir; sin sueños de una futura. Nunca va a invitar amigos y familia a su casa para celebrar el graduación de un hijo, preocuparse en como debe vestirse para una cita, hacer planes con amigos para viajar a la playa, aprender como leer, tener millones de fotos de momentos felices de su vida. No es justo. Ojala que los líderes del mundo lo arreglaran. Y ahora, odio como hay gente (incluyendo yo) que tienen sus necesidades cumplidos y encuentra maneras para ponerse discontenta. Today I was studying outside the church. Today is a beautiful day, with the sun out in 63 degree weather. A girl came to sell me hair barrettes and clips. I told her that I wasn't interested and she wouldn't leave me alone. It's terrible. I mean it's terrible that these kids are selling things in a way of begging. She kept asking me, for coins, for bills. When they do this, they speak really fast without stopping and in a soft voice. It's like they aren't really talking to you, it's just begging phrases that they have memorized and repeat. I told her that I didn't have an coins. I only had a bill of 20 pesos but I didn't tell her that of course. It makes me mad that beggars think that you are obligated to pay them something. This girl, after I started to ignore her because she wasn't listening to me, says to me "damn you foreigner that you won't give me anything," or something like that, and she kept sitting next to me, waiting. Finally she left, no without saying another "damn..."
One night when I was coming back from Vicky's house, a woman and her son stopped me to sell me salt and pepper shakers. I liked them but I didn't have enough money on me to buy them. I tried to talk to her, I asked her who made them and where, and she gave me short answers and continued to speak really fast, without stopping in a low voice. She told me something about her son being sick and how she wanted to buy medicine for him. And while we were talking, her son, multiple times hit me in the legs! When she wouldn't accept that I wasn't going to buy them, I gave her 2 pesos, and she says to me "Miss, don't you have more?" and this made me so mad and I walked away.
At the same time I try to think about how I would feel if I were one of them. The girl, it's not her fault that she thinks that way, it's her parents fault. And I have no idea what kind of situation her parents are in or what their lives have been/were like. How much of it is there fault and how much has to do with what fate gave them. Am I right to think that I am not obligated to give them anything? I don't think it is really a way to help. It's not going to change their lives. If no one gave them anything, maybe they wouldn't ask and then maybe they would find another way to better their lives. But there are also people in the street who are handicapped. It seems to me that they do need help. I think they are the responsibility of the government. There is nothing here for the handicapped. I don't know how you could live in Buenos Aires if you had a disability. Also I think about my own country. It's not perfect and we do have problems, but also, we have so many people that work together to better the lives of others. I wish that people here would do the same. But Argentinians are really stressed. I always here someone saying this and that it is the government's fault. It seems to me this is why they do not focus their attentions on other people. Or maybe it only seems like we do more because when I'm at NC State, I'm surrounded by organizations and activities that help people. Why is the world so dificult? Why was a born into an affluent family? I didn't have the choice (or maybe I did and I just don't remember). I think about how much my life is affected by things that I couldn't possibly have control of. If I were born in Argentina, I would think differently, in a different language, and my mind would have been developed in a different way. What would I be like if I had been born into a poor family that sleeps in the street? Something that will affect you, when you see a person sleeping on the street where other people are walking, or a family with a mattress in the park. You can't comprehend it. The other day I couldn't enter my apartment and I thought, how terrible would it be if I didn't have a home?
It makes me sad that the majority of the world will never experience a life in which they can really live. Most will only know a life of poverty, of worry, engulfed by thoughts of surviving; without dreams of a future. They will never invite friends and family over to there house to celebrate a child's graduation, worry about what to wear on a date, make plans with friends to go to the beach, learn to read, or have thousands of pictures of the happy moments of their life. It's not fair. I wish the leaders of the world would just fix it. And right now, I hate how there are people (including me) how have all their needs fulfilled and still find reasons to be unhappy .